1866
McLaughlin Plantation
Just Outside of Hickoryville


As Jess continued down the seemingly endless dirt road, he stopped for a drink of water at the edge of a lake. He took a piece of cloth, moistened it and wiped the perspiration from his face and neck; without any further respite, he stood to go onward. In less than an hour, he was standing in the clearing where he and Cora Mae had spent their last evening together. After another few minutes walk, he was looking at her home. Jess could hardly believe his eyes. He was so tired. Yet he found the strength to quicken his pace. All he could think of was seeing Cora Mae, touching her, smelling her hair once again. The mansion seemed smaller somehow, but it was beautiful to him for she was there. The smoke rising from the chimney appeared to be the perfect welcome home.

In his weakened state, his voice was barely audible. “Cora Mae.”

He called again and again, “Cora! Cora Mae!” Why did she not emerge from the entry?

He slowed as he drew nearer to the now dingy manse and a chill went through him as he noted that there were no flowers in the window boxes. His memory flashed his amusement at Cora Mae’s determined proclamation that no matter what else she was ever deprived of in this life, she would always have flowers in the window boxes. Staring at the graying white front of the building, his breath began to quicken and he could feel the hastening pulsation within his chest as the grand wooden door slowly opened and an unusually large figure stepped out onto the shadowed portico.

Jess moved his head about in an effort to obtain a better view and furrowed his brow as he squinted. “Nate?”

Nate McLaughlin looked cautiously at the silhouetted figure now standing on his property. Squinting in the sunlight, he instinctively drew his pistol from his belt and waved it in the air. “This here is private property. If you got no business with me, git.”

“Nate?”

“Yeah… That’s my name. Who are you? How do I know you?”

Cora Mae’s brother was a giant of a man and Jess remembered him fondly as having a heart just as big. “Nate! It’s me, Jess! Jess Harper, Nate! I’ve come back!”

“Jess?” Nate moved cautiously towards the edge of the large covered porch without lowering his pistol. Then he stopped, and jerked his head forward as his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. “Praise Jesus, it can’t be!” He jammed his pistol back in his belt and hobbled down the stairs as fast as his tired legs would carry him. “Jess? JESS!”

The two men ran towards one another and embraced, slapping each other on the back, their laughter unrestricted. Jess yelled gleefully as Nate lifted him off the ground.

“Where is she, Nate? I just gotta see her. Been about outta my mind thinking of her.”

Nate scratched the back of his head and offered his apologies. “Oh, yeah, well, Cora Mae’s… Uh, she’s not here, Jess.”

“What? Not here? But… Where-“

“Come on in. She’s not here right now. But don’t let that bother you none. You come on in and get yourself something to eat and have a set down. You look plum tuckered.”

“Yeah. OK. Sure.” Jess saw no reason to hide his disappointment as he followed his old friend into the dark house. He followed as Nate led him to the dining room and motioned with his arm for Jess to sit at the table then left to go to the kitchen. Jess could not help but notice that the condition of the once stately mansion had diminished greatly in the time he’d been gone. What had previously been an opulently decorated and impeccably clean interior was now unkempt and squalid. He knew in an instant that Nate and Cora Mae’s dear mother must be gone.

In the time it took for Jess to come to his conclusion, Nate had returned with a plate of food and placed it down in front of him. Unable to remember the last time he had eaten, Jess did not wait for a fork. He picked up the dish and used his fingers to scoop the food into his mouth. Nate stood silently and watched as Jess ate everything and asked for more.

“Ain’t got more. You just ate everything I had for the next three days. Guess I will have to hunt me some vermin for tomorrow! Nate smiled as he slapped Jess on the back. “I see the war ain’t done your appetite no harm!”

Jess lowered his eyes and grinned, embarrassed by his anxious gluttony.

Nate laughed heartily as he walked in the direction of the kitchen. “Come on outside. You can wash up while I hunt up more eatin’s.”

“Right.” Jess leapt out of the chair and ran after Nate. “I wanna be clean - smellin’ a little better to see Cora Mae!”

As they exited the house, Jess walked over to the trough, rolled up his sleeves then thought better of it and removed his shirt altogether. He flexed his shoulders and as he leaned in to the trough scooping up some fresh water, Nate snuck up behind him and tried to push him in.

“YOU’RE gonna need a bath!” Nate shouted, but his robust laugh had revealed his sneaky plan and Jess surprised him instead.

Jess was tired but his reflexes were as quick as ever. He squirmed sideways and managed to step aside, causing Nate to lose his balance and fall head-on into the water a-kicking and a-hollering and a-carrying on. It had been a long time since Jess laughed so hard. It was good to be home.

The two men wrestled and cavorted for a few minutes and when they had calmed down a bit, Jess asked again when Cora Mae would be returning. Nate weakly raised his index finger and pointed towards a small fenced area just east from the stables and indicated Jess should have a look.



Jess looked up, his eyes darting back and forth. “SHE IS HERE!” For a second, he was stunned. He stood. Shook his wet head, and ran his fingers through his hair. What should he do? Should he put his shirt back on? It was so dirty. Should he take a bath? Shave at least? But he had waited so long to see her. A bath would take too much time. She would understand… He took a few steps and hesitated without ever removing his eyes from the fenced area then sprinted at full speed to Cora Mae. He called to her as he ran and there was celebration in his voice. “Cora Mae! I’ve come back! I’m home, Cora Mae!”

Nate shook his head and grabbed a blanket from the fence to dry off as he watched Jess turn the corner at the stable and disappear from view. Then he wrapped the blanket around himself and walked over to the Stable. As he rounded the corner of the building he stopped for a moment to observe – and to gather his thoughts.

Jess was standing alone along side of two graves, his head, low and his shoulders drooped with his hands hanging loose at his sides. “I’m sorry, Nate,” Jess whispered. “Your parents?”

Nate responded in a dispassionate monotone as he turned his face away and pointed in the opposite direction from the two graves at Jess’ feet. “No. My parents are over yonder. There, in the family plot.”

Jess’ voice began to tremble. “Nate? Who is buried in these two graves, Nate?”

Nate did not turn back. “Who do you think?” His voice was cold.

Jess could not allow for the thoughts that were assailing him.

He could feel his heart breaking even before he circled Nate and saw his moist eyes. “Cora Mae?” he questioned in horrific disbelief.

Nate just stood there.

Slowly moving his head in denial as he backed away with his hands still hanging helplessly at his sides, he fixed his eyes in a trancelike gaze in the general direction of the graves and pleaded that it not be true. “NO… Not Cora Mae… No. No no no no…”

“I’m sorry,” was all Nate could say.

Jess could barely breathe. He shuffled to one of the graves and raised his hands as if to touch something or someone that was not there. Then he crumbled to the ground clutching his middle as though he had been mortally wounded; he had not the strength or the wherewithal to hold himself up any longer and as he bowed over the small grave, he wept bitterly and without care.

Nate took a step or two towards Jess, place the blanket over him and quietly turned and retreated to the house affording Jess all the privacy he needed in order to share his uninhibited grief with the night.

_________________________________


Several hours passed before Jess entered the house.

Nate was in his bed, just about to doze when he was aroused by the sound of footsteps on the stairs. He sat bolt upright, threw off his blanket and moved through his room with urgency. He yanked open his door and stood face to face with Jess who was firm in his resolve and looking for some answers.

“Tell me what happened. I gotta know what happened to her.”

Nate stood firm and uttered the hellish, unbearable words that would periodically accost Jess for the rest of his lifetime. “She’s dead, Jess. Cora Mae is dead. Died some time ago. It don’t matter what happened. You knowin’ ain’t gonna bring her back. What we have ta do now is go on without her.”

“I don’t want to go on without her.” Jess pursed his lips and refused himself the comfort of releasing the heartache that was once again threatening to consume him. His voice caught in his throat. “Tell me.”

“Jess, leave it alone.”

“Tell me.”

“No!”

Jess lunged at Nate, grabbing him and slamming his body against the wall. “Nate! You tell me you son of a --” He raised his hand in fisted rage and punctuated his demand with a threat. “Tell me! Tell me right now or, I swear, I will beat it out of you!”

Nate raised both hands defensively, refusing the overwhelming instinct to fight back. “Jess! Think what you are doing!”

Jess drew his arm back even further, fully intending to come down on Nate with the unrestricted force of all the anger that was now growing in leaps and bounds within him. As he looked down upon the cowering man who he was holding against the wall, he let out a scream of desperation as he drove his fists, instead, into the plaster just next to Nate’s face.

Nate wrapped his arms around Jess just in time to catch him as he once again crumbled in despair. Jess did not fight. He buried his face into Nate’s shoulder and sobbed uncontrollably in the other man’s arms. Nate took pity on the shivering younger man and insisted that he put on one of his own shirts – not that it was much cleaner than the one Jess had on earlier, but at least it hat a few less holes in it.

______________________________


The sound of someone chopping wood was the first thing Jess heard as he awakened. The sun was shining through a window and he was lying on top of a bed fully clothed except for his boots. His hat and gun were on the table next to him and there was a blanket covering one of his legs and draping off the side of the bed and onto the floor. All the traveling he had done in these past months had left him disoriented and he did not know where he was or whose hospitality he was enjoying. As he rubbed his swollen eyes, for one brief, blessed moment, he had no memory of all that had transpired the night before.

Resisting the urge to pull the woolen blanket back over himself and turn over for more sleep, he sat up on the bed and wearily looked around. He felt calm and comfortably rested until his eyes settled upon a small photograph in an ornate plaster frame sitting on the dresser. He squinted as he slithered from the bed and moved toward it. It was the photo of himself and Cora Mae on the day they had gone to the church social. The last day before he had left with his Company. He almost smiled as he remembered how she had insisted he pose with her for that blasted photograph and how he had feigned embarrassment in front of his buddies. Then he remembered yesterday.

It all came flooding back to him.

He whispered her name as he gingerly picked up the unexpected treasure and, handling it with the utmost care, ran his fingers over her image as though to touch her. He then drew those same fingers to his lips remembering how it felt to kiss her and then slowly lowered them back to the photo again. Silent tears ran down his face. The hysteria had gone and the reality that she was gone had begun to sink in. He raised the photograph and lifted it to his lips, closed his eyes and held it there for some time. He looked at it one more time before placing it back on the dresser where he had found it.

As he sat on the bed and leaned down to pick up his boot, he noticed the dainty fringe on the coverlet and realized that he had been sleeping in the bed that had belonged to his beloved Cora Mae, the bed that they would never share. In that moment, Jess Harper was filled with a profound sadness that would become an integral part of him from that day, onward.



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