12 Years Earlier 

1863 (Just outside of Hickoryville.)

It had been their eighth day together and he had just given her her very first kiss. He was sure that he loved her. Oh yes. He loved her more than he thought it was possible to love.

Jess was 16 and he had already been a soldier for over a year. He had never loved anyone before, well not except his ma and pa and sister and brothers. The way he felt about Cora Mae was sure different from the way he felt about them. Being near her like this drove him nearly plum crazy with desire.

He was a young man whose life was on the line, fighting for a cause he was unsure of, in a war he did not start that had taken him far from his home and all that he knew and planted him right here at her side. Fearful of dying as he had seen so many do these past months, he grabbed hold of life for all it was worth. In no short order, Jess Harper professed his undying love for Cora Mae McLaughlin and boldly asked her to wait for him and be his bride.

"Jess Harper! We have only known each other for a few days." She flounced her skirt as she spoke.

"Eight."

"What?"

"Eight days. We have known each other for eight days." He was only stating the obvious.

"Well, eight days is not long enough to know a body well enough to be able to decide if you want to marry them or not." She enjoyed his attempts to persuade her and she was determined to continue to enjoy them as long as she could drag them out.

He knew he was being manipulated but he had a manipulative trick or two of his own and he was on a quest. Jess lowered his head and peered up at her through his eyebrows. "Why not? Ya love me, dontcha?" He was impossibly young and handsome.

She decided it would be best to distract him. "Well," she started coyly, "I think I do, but we need to be sure about these things. Butter dreams don't come true every day you know." She stepped away from him and he followed her.

"What's a butter dream?" He was aware of what she was trying to do. He also knew that the best strategy to employ when trying to catch a big fish was to let out the line a bit.

"Oh, I do forget that other people don't know what that is. Truth is, I made it up when I was a child." She smiled to herself but he saw it.

"So..." He played along, hardly able to hide the knowing smirk that was overtaking his expression.

"So, what? Oh Jess, come on over here and let's sit by the water. We can dangle our feet." She flitted to a boulder then turned to him as she patted it indicating she wanted him to help her up onto it.

"Cora Mae! What is a butter dream?" He placed his hands on either side of her tiny waist, lifted her onto the rock and boldly removed her shoes. Then, as she moved out over the water, he picked up a handful of stones and handed them up, removed his boots and climbed out next to her.

She handed him one stone at a time and began to share her personal axiom. "You know that song that goes, 'Row, row, row your boat. Gently down the stream...' You know that one?"

"Yeah, course I do; everybody knows that song." He tossed a stone and got five skips out of it.

"You know at the end, where it says, 'Life is but a dream'?"

"Yeah." Four skips this time.

"Well, when I was a girl, I thought it went, 'life is butter dreams.' Isn't that silly?"

"But those are not the words." He held the next stone and turned to give her his full attention.

"Yes, I know that now." Was she toying with him?

"Well?" Five skips.

"Well what?" She was testing his patience.

"Well, then, what is a butter dream?" Two skips. Jess furrowed his brow and glared at her.

Laughing at how easy it was to get his goat, she shared her very own theory on life's dreams and lessons. "Butter dreams are those dreams in life that are yours and yours alone. I mean, everyone dreams of greatness of one kind or another, but the butter dreams are the ones that relate to a somebody's personal aspirations of greatness such as how you prove yourself or what it is you wish to be great at. What you want to do with your life to make a change in the future. So that someone knows you were here. You see?"

"I am trying." Jess' gaze set on the sunlight reflecting off the water. He lurched forward as he spotted a quickening beneath the ripples, and the avenue of his strategy was revealed to him at once.

He suddenly appeared to be far more distracted than she wanted and Cora Mae knew that she needed to reclaim the upper hand. She repositioned her body so she was facing him. She picked at her skirt and plopped her folded hands into her lap. "All right," she started, "I will tell you mine. My butter dream is to marry the most wonderful man in all the world and have children with him and raise them to be fine human beings and assets to society. My husband will be the finest, the handsomest man I know and I won't just love him; oh no. I will admire him. And I will be the best wife and mother there ever was." She smiled demurely as she continued. "That is why it is called a dream. It is your highest aspiration."

"Butter dreams, huh? Your highest aspiration." Jess' eyes were fixed on the water. He never could resist the thought of successfully reeling in a big one, especially one who put up a good fight.

Determined to control the conversation, she offered a challenge of her own. "Well I have told you mine. Now you must tell me yours."

"Tell you what, my dreams?" He hadn't really been paying attention to the fish; when it came to Cora Mae, he was ensorcelled.

"Yes. It is only fair." She had regained his attention.

He placed his hands on her shoulders and spoke softly as he stared deeply into her bright greens eyes. "Cora Mae, I just want this war to end and I want to come out of it alive with both my arms and both my legs and my wits about me. I have seen so much of what can happen to a man. Maybe I will dream about other things when this is all over."

She furrowed her brow as she looked away. "Jess, please don't talk like that."

"Marry me, Cora Mae. You know that I love you and you know that you love me. Give me something to come back to when this is all over. Then I can azz-bire to be the greatest husband - in all the world." She had taken the bait and he had begun the laborious task of reeling her in.

"Oh you are somethin', Jess Harper, with your quick tongue. We have our whole lifetimes to be married. Once you return, why, we can have a proper courtship. Do things right." Her youthful senses of immortality and propriety combined with her own quick tongue were about to give her the strength to bite through the taut line.

Jess had to think and think fast. "Lifetime? Ah, Cora Mae," he hesitated as he looked away. He ran his fingers through his dark hair and around the back of his neck. With his back towards her he continued softly, "Darlin', do you know what you are saying? I am out there every day, fighting along side of boys who are younger than me, some of 'em dyin' right in front of me. Why, I could die tomorrow and then this night would have been the end of my lifetime. Who is to say how long a lifetime can be? This could be all we get." The moment was right. It was time to reel her all the way in or cut her loose. "Why, if I was to measure my lifetime against some others I have seen lately, I would say that I am already livin' on borrowed time."

"Please stop all this talk, Jess," she implored. "I cannot bear the thought of something happening to you." She had given up the fight. But could he trust it?

"Be-cause you love me?" Pull back. Steady, steady. Don't lose her now.

"You know that I do."

Victory! " Then marry me, Gal!" Get the net; scoop her up!

She gleefully consented and the two of them, bursting with the joyful enthusiasm of youth, shared the news with her family. They all celebrated into the night and afterwards she walked with him halfway to one of the outer buildings where he was staying along with other soldiers in his Company.

They peppered their walk with kisses and soft whispers of love and promises of the future and as they arrived at a secluded clearing he asked her to share her favors with him - after all, he loved her and they were going to be married. What if he never came back? A young man in this condition might say anything to get what he needs, it is true, but Jess felt vindicated because he did love the girl.

Cora Mae refused.

Even though she wanted to comfort him before he left, she thought it best to wait until they were married, so she continued to refuse all the next week and the week after that... right up until the orders came for Jess' Company to move out.

____________________________

The reality of his imminent departure filled her with an unbearable sense of foreboding. She succumbed to the unyielding torments and offered herself to Jess while the two were on another moonlight walk together the last night before he was to leave.

At first, he was stunned by her offer, even a bit shy. He moved close to her and taking her into his arms he tenderly kissed her mouth. He backed away to look at her and took her face in his hands. He hesitated as he stroked her hair. "Cora Mae are you sure? Do you know what you are saying to me?"

"Yes, I know what I am saying. I really do, Jess. I want you to know how much I love you. I want to marry you tonight, before God. We can marry before the rest of His creation when you return. I cannot let you go this way unless... I... It's important. You must know that I will be waiting for you and I am all yours. You must know that there will be no other."

He kissed her again and allowed his hands to explore her form. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No," she whispered, as she tilted her head back in sweet abandon and relished the sensation of his lips on her neck, "I do not want you to stop." She loved his touch and though she was more ashamed than frightened, she allowed herself the sensual gratification of her love for him and found great pleasure in the moment as she took comfort in the thought that she was pleasing him.

Jess hesitated one more time and for a split second he thought of stopping but realized he was past the point of no return.

Afterwards, he was filled with remorse.

Cora Mae sat trembling and sniffling as she gingerly pulled on her clothing. Jess extended his hand to help her up but she reached back and pushed off from a nearby rock instead. He knew he had hurt her though she would not say. With no way to know what was the right thing to do, he awkwardly tried to comfort her but to no avail; she could not be comforted.

The silence between them was deafening.

Although he meant no harm, he had not had that much experience with women and what he had was with ladies of questionable repute. Jess did not know how to conduct himself with a tender young girl such as Cora Mae who had never known a man before, and the passion he experienced as he finally allowed himself to surrender his gentlemanly composure had overtaken him. It was not that he meant to be selfish; it was that he could barely control his pent up aggression, and his desire had gotten the best of him. In his abandon, he hurt her badly.

It was not because her body hurt that she cried; she understood and, truth be known, she had expected as much. She cried because she could not bear the idea that he was leaving. She did not want him to go and could not help herself from begging him to stay. "Jess, is there no way you can get out of this wretched war business? I shall die not knowing of you."

Jess, confused by his actions and feeling inadequate, scolded her. He shouted at her that he could not desert his Company and he was appalled that she could suggest such a thing. Filled to overflowing with emotions he did not understand, he allowed his exasperation to get the best of him. "Why, that's desertion. How could you ask that of me? I could be hanged for doing a thing like that; or worse, branded for the rest of my life!" He leaned in towards her and tightened his grip on her arm. "Don't ya love me? Well, don'tcha?"  That was the worst thing to ask a young woman who had just shared her most intimate self with him, and there was no going back.

Cora Mae's eyes brimmed as she slowly backed away from him. She turned and lifted her cape from the ground where only moments ago they had lain entwined and she slowly limped into the darkness without saying a word. Her soft whimpers defined a deep and profound heartache that the night, itself, seemed to echo. Clouds crossed the path of the full moon blocking it from view and creating an erie darkness. The stars that they had wished upon were blanketed by the ominous silvery gray mist. Woodland creatures that had been serenading them had silenced at the tone of Jess' angry voice and had not yet resumed their joyful night song.

Jess stood alone in the clearing suddenly encumbered by the burden of cacophonic silence.

Disgusted with himself, he kicked at the dirt and slammed his open palm into a tree. He spun around to look at the empty spot where Cora Mae had stood when she offered herself to him and the realization of what he had just done and the harsh tone with which he spake to her tortured him. How could he have done that? How could he have said that? He raised his hand to his forehead and with his index finger and thumb he rubbed his eyelids as his train of thought naturally led him to a frightening possibility. What if she never forgives me? What if I've lost her? As a wave of desperation flowed through him, Jess bolted after her. "Cora Mae! Cora Mae! Please! Stop, Cora Mae!" He could see her up ahead.

She had stopped and was leaning on a tree, seeking relief from the excruciatingl pain she was experiencing as a result of their joining. She needed a respite; although she did not want him to see her crying, she could not go any further.

As he caught up to her, he paused for a moment then shyly approached her and took her into the comforting warmth of his embrace.  His whispers trailed off as he tried to speak. "I am so sorry, Cora Mae."

Her voice had assumed a nasal quality and she mumbled a bit as she responded, unable to look directly at him. "I am sorry for running away. I know I must seem like a child to you. But, my God, Jess. You asked me if I love you!" She turned her face away from him embarrassed that she was sobbing so uncontrollably. "I love you with all my heart. That was the one thing I wanted you to know and... I have just gone and ruined everything."

He held her head to his chest and twisted his body back and forth to rock her as he stroked her silky auburn hair. "I know that you love me. You have shown me... even before tonight. I reckon I am feeling so bad because I know... well, for hurtin' ya." Jess asked her to look at him and she obliged, slowly lifting her downcast eyes to meet his gaze. "Cora Mae, I swear by all that's holy, I will never hurt you again. Not in any way." His mouth made its way to hers and as Jess wrapped his arms about her she melted into him, deliberately taking inventory of every breath, every touch, every feeling, knowing that she would need this memory in the days ahead.

"Jess, I am so afraid." She did not lift her head from his shoulder as she whispered her presentiment.

"I am too," he confirmed, "but not of dying. I am afraid of being without you. I ain't never felt this way before and now that I do, I just can't lose you. Tell me again that you will wait for me." He cupped her face with his hands. "Please. Promise me that you will be here when I get back."

Jess-"

"Tell me, Cora Mae," he implored as he placed his hands on her shoulders backing her away from her nestling place against his chest. "Look at me, Girl, and tell me that you love me. Tell me that you will be my wife when this damn war is over."

"Jess," she sighed as she reached up to move a wayward curl from his forehead, "I love you. Yes I do. And I will wait for you forever. You are my butter dream."

"What?"

"My butter dream, Jess; it is you."

Jess, so touched by her revelation and consumed with love, softly lowered his head to kiss her again, but they jumped back from one another as their tender moment was interrupted by a shout so thunderous it shook the very leaves on the trees.

"HARPER!"

"Yes Sir." Jess dropped his hands and stood straight and tall with his arms stiffened at his sides.

"GET BACK WITH THE REST OF THE MEN! AIN'T YOU GOT NO SENSE, BOY?"

With eyes fixed straight ahead, Jess responded, in kind.  "Yes, Sir, I have. I was just saying Good-Bye, Sir."

"By the looks of both of your clothes, I'd say you were saying a bit more than good-bye, Son." The Officer smiled as he ogled Cora Mae.  She pulled her bodice tight around herself and held it at the neck.

"Sir, it's not like that."

"I believe I told you to get back to the others."  He was still staring at Cora Mae.  She lowered her eyes.

Without moving a muscle, Jess moved his eyes to Cora Mae, then to the Officer and back to Cora Mae.  Her discomfort was palpable.  "Sir, may I have permission to see the lady home?"

The Officer finally turned his attention towards Jess who darted his eyes straight ahead.  "All right," he started, "You may see the 'Lady'  home.  But you best not be long!"

"Thank you, Sir." Jess was relieved.

The Officer was enjoying toying with the two lovebirds.  With hands on his hips, he sauntered over to Jess and leaned into his face as he shouted one final order.  "NOW GET!"

"YES, SIR!" Jess responded as the two saluted one another.  Without a moment's hesitation, he grabbed Cora Mae's hand and pulled her so hard that her head bobbed slightly back.

She pulled up her skirts with her free hand as they started to run.  Jess wrapped his other arm about her waist and helped her as the two of them navigated the thicket as quickly as they could, taking the short way back to the house.

Approaching the stairs to the portico, they stopped to catch their breath and, as they realized they were no longer within earshot of the Officer, they found themselves stumbling and laughing convulsively.

"Shoot! He scared the be-jeepers outta me!" Jess admitted as he wiped his brow. His smile widened across his face as he enjoyed Cora Mae's laughter.

"Me too," she offered. 

Her giggles were uninhibited and his laughter was as unrestricted as a schoolboy's. They staggered and clung to one another as they took turns looking back and continued to laugh until they were all but falling down by the time they reached the three shallow stairs that led to the grand double entry doors at the front of the mansion.

"Let me look at you," Jess beckoned. "I want to remember this: us laughing like this. This is right where we will pick things up when I come back; you agree?"

"Oh, Jess, please.  Jess, not yet."  Cora Mae's emotions were running the full gamut; she was laughing one minute, and the next, trying to keep from crying, but it was nearly impossible to refrain.

"I have to go; you heard the Sergeant."  He placed his hands on her shoulders and leaned into her as he kissed her forehead, then rubbing his cheek against her hair, Jess whispered a desperate request of his own. "Please don't cry, Cora Mae.  It'll kill me to leave you crying."

Cora Mae straightened her back and lifted her shoulders. The moon had reappeared and the night sky was a-twinkle with thousands upon thousands of stars.  Thankful for their illumination, Cora Mae studied Jess' face.  "I won't cry.  I will be a brave girl; watch me.  Just promise me you know that I love you." 

"I promise."  Jess backed away still holding on to her hand; he wanted to remember the feel of her.

"And that I will be right here waiting for you."  She studied his stance, his physicality, his presence.

"I promise."  Jess placed his free hand on top of hers embracing her fingers as he continued to back away. 

"Promise me that you will come back to me."  She continued her plea as their fingers separated.

"I promise."  His eyes stayed fixed on hers as he backed into the darkness.

"Jess!"

He stopped.  In one fluid motion he walked back to her raising both hands for her face and their lips touched with an overwhelming passion as they shared one last lingering kiss before he turned abruptly and was on his way.

He could not look back.